If this is a breeze, I’m fearing the wind. I can best characterize my present state as “well fed and annoyed.” Thanks to the overwhelming generosity of friends and families, our fridge has been stocked all week. Having meals off the plate (uh…I mean on the plate…you know what I mean) has freed up an astounding amount of free time and energy. I will never again doubt that I would hire a personal chef if finances allowed! Food is nourishing; selecting, buying, cleaning, cooking, serving food, to me at least, is brutal.
And as grateful as I am for all our many blessings (and there are many, so I won’t bore you by listing them here), I can’t help but feel annoyed (and will bore you with what I’m annoyed about :). I’m annoyed that I started this journey four months ago and am not halfway through. I’m annoyed that I have forgotten would it feels like to feel “good” and have energy. I’m annoyed that I literally have to bring myself towards death in order to get the treatment which might save me. I’m annoyed that my wound hurts a hell of a lot worse than I was led to believe; that I tossed and turned all night because I couldn’t get comfortable; and that when I sneeze I feel like my head is going to fly off [b/c of my sinus issue I have to sneeze through my mouth – perfect!]. But the king of all my petty annoyances, is my new dependence on daily medication to survive.
When I was first diagnosed, I thought “what’s the big deal, all I have to do is pop a pill every day?” Ah yes, but then you read the fine print…I’m currently on a “short-lived” thyroid replacement hormone which I have to take twice a day…at the same time each day…not within four hours of eating. Unfortunately for me, the only times I’m not within four hours of eating something (either before or after) I’m asleep (I know, crazy). But I was sure there had to be some logical way to do this….OK so can’t eat 4 hours before or after…that’s an 8 hour window X twice a day = 16 hours of no eating. …there’s 24 hours in a day, minus 16, leaves 8 hours during which eating is OK. Basically during an 8 hour work day, one could get all their daily nutrients. So technically possible, but certainly not a healthy way to live out the rest of my life. But now for the annoying part! In order to avoid my “eating window”, I need to take my pill really early in the morning and really late at night – and since I’m generally sleeping really early in the morning and really late at night (I’m difficult I know), this requires setting an alarm to get up twice while asleep to take pills. For those of you who know how hard I’ve worked to FINALLY be able to sleep through the night (with two young kids and a geriatric dog), you know this does not make me happy! No more lazy weekend mornings sleeping in….ever. This is probably the saddest thing I could ever imagine. All the perky nurses and Dr.s who suggested just keeping the pills and a glass of water next to the bed (um..with small kids around?), don’t seem to realize that it’s not the walk to the pills that’s the issue, it’s the fact that I WAS SLEEPING AND NOW I’M NOT.
And the craziest part? My well-meaning husband suggested that I can no longer enjoy my post-kid-bedtime ice cream….WHAT?!?!?!? This is NOT what I signed up for. Put me at the top of the list for a thyroid transplant (seriously, why does no one do that?)